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  1. Carla Van Zant
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Originally appeared on Ails, Fails, and Fairytales, released in 2013.

Lyrics

Some folks wait their whole lives for a chance to understand
The trials and tribulation of life beyond their fellow man
A connection to life apart from her own was made by Carla VanZant
This the story of her and a plant

Now Carla VanZant was an architect known throughout the land
Her creations were notorious for being luxurious and grand
But lately her work had lost its zest and started slipping down
She couldn’t get hired in her own town

But finally an opportunity, someone quit as ground was broke
Developers hired Carla, but only as a joke
She arrived to a smooth concrete field where a haunting voice was heard

Can you hear me
Can you see me
Can you help me
Please

Chorus
My leaves are weak
And my roots
Don’t like concrete
Won’t you please
Don’t make me beg
I don’t want
To end up dead

Carla was now beginning to question her mental state
The awful and incessant pleading was making her irate
She tried to find the culprit but no one was around
Until she glanced down

The instant Carla saw the plant, she filled with dismay
This plant would end her career, no way that it could stay
This weed was a stagnate eye sore polluting her concrete dream
Removal was her only scheme

The workers noticed her odd behavior and looked the other way
Among the screaming obscenities she’d spray, spray, spray
Developers saw Carla and thought she’d clearly gone insane

Can you hear me
Can you see me
Can you help me
Please

Chorus
My leaves are weak
And my roots
Don’t like concrete
Won’t you please
I don’t wanna go
No

I’ll kill you stupid stinking plant
How dare you mess with Carla VanZant
I’ll rip up this concrete to get to you
There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do
I’ll pull the bulldozers out for a treat
I’ll use your leaves to litter the street
I’ll kill you
If it’s the last thing I do

Chorus

Carla had demolished the site and was left without work
Developers had witnessed the sight and thought Carla was a jerk
In her home garden is the end to our story
It’s filled with a happy plea